


heaven and hell (were words to me)

by airdachuain



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 09:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6849181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airdachuain/pseuds/airdachuain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both shared easy smiles, relief and triumph conquering. But then she moved towards him without lifting her feet, and his face dropped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	heaven and hell (were words to me)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is.
> 
> Pain? Pain. Ok, enjoy it.

 

Warehouses, usually, had a chill to them, but this one took the cake. The huge garage doors of this one had been left wide open, sending in a breeze that surely didn't belong in California. She pressed her back against a metal crate, the bars of the doors digging into her shoulder blades. Her breath, ghosting out of her, worried her. It would've been too easy for a cloud like that to give away her position, but she couldn't help it. Despite her training, her emotions were taking hold as the reality of the situation finished processing. She'd wandered into the headquarters of the biggest cartel in town, without back-up, equipped only with her gun - which was running low on bullets. The most unfortunate thing of all? Theirs weren't.

 

God damn it, she was scared.

 

There was a loud shot, one that made her jump. She double checked her safety, just as a figure rounded the corner. She lifted her aim - and removed her finger from the trigger as she sighed.

 

"Lucifer, what are you doing here?"

 

"Came along with you," he frowned, joining her huddled behind the crate. "It's lucky, the two of us being here together. It would've been incredibly _stupid_ if one of us had come in here alone, hm?"

 

 

Chloe huffed, and rolled her eyes at him, "Don't. Calvez-"

 

"Threatened Trixie. I know."

 

From anyone else, it would've been an attempt to chastise her. From Lucifer, it was understanding. They'd been standing together outside the courtroom when Calvez came up to them, cruel smile as he walked away scot-free from a murder charge. They'd both heard his wheezing voice ruin Trixie's name, _such a lovely girl you have._ You two must be proud. And Lucifer hadn't even bothered to correct him, only held an arm out in front of Chloe when she stepped forward. Not to stop her, but to save her soul, as he liked to put it. Better have the devil go to ruin by punishing those that deserve it, he'd told her. If he'd said it to her a year ago, she would've been insulted, but now they knew each other well enough. He was offering himself as the sword to her warrior. _Tell me which direction and that's the way the knife will slip_. And oh, the things she wanted to do to Calvez.

 

They didn't have to explain themselves to the other any more. So, he simply nodded, and held out two extra clips for her. It was enough to maybe - just maybe - get them both out alive. She reached out to take them, but let her hand simply drape over his. She gave a squeeze, _I know, thank you, let's go, we can make it, I feel the same way,_ and his smile became more confident.

 

Then, he was gone, stepping out into the open with his laissez-faire monologue, giving her the distraction she'd need. As all targets pointed towards Lucifer, she moved around the room, finding the suspects and working her way through them. Calvez' men gave a good fight, of course. After all, cartels didn't gain reputation and power through sitting around. But Chloe specialized in weak points, and she didn't hesitate in the face of weapons. She changed clips midfight, grabbed blades right in her fragile palm, ignored the fire in her side as she broke a man's wrist, ripping his gun out of his hands and taking out his knee. She won every fight she went into through endurance alone, and it was because she learned something simple very early on. Big bad men liked to hide behind pointy things, and they didn't have the guts for fighting bloody until the very end.

 

The last man went down, and she saw Lucifer standing face to face with Calvez himself. Her heart dropped at the sight of her partner looking down the barrel of a gun. She'd seen it before, with Malcolm, and that'd ended... It ended so awfully that months later she still had nightmares about it. This time, she didn't hesitate to raise her gun and take Calvez right out. The man collapsed, and Lucifer turned to her. His eyes were ablaze with rage, and while it didn't abate, his face softened at the sight of her.

 

"I had him."

 

"No you didn't," she quipped easily, because cases weren't games, but for some reason every victory felt like winning when she worked with Lucifer. They both shared easy smiles, relief and triumph conquering.

 

But then she moved towards him without lifting her feet, and his face dropped. Her vision swam, and when she came out of it, Lucifer was screaming her name and the ground was rushing towards her. She landed hard on her side, and her gut spilled. Before she could even process the severity of it, she placed her hand over. Like it was someone else bleeding out and not her, that calm professional voice that her profs instilled in her years ago reminds her Keep pressure, keep the victim still and call for help.

 

Her partner's over her, pawing at her face and her hands, growling, "No. Nonono _no!_ What happened?!"

 

What happened is that she was killed by some crime lord's crony and it was just taking a while.

 

Instead, what comes out is, "Take care of Trixie."

 

"Don't you dare!" Lucifer snapped at her, "Don't you tell me about your child, don't tell me you're dying because you're fine, you're- you're always fine. I'll..."

 

Blood spilled over her lip as she hacked out a cough. She didn't feel the wound quite as much, funny enough. She simply felt a tickle in her throat, an itch she couldn't scratch. She nearly died before, but it didn't feel like this. Maybe because that time she was saved. Saved by...

 

She watched Lucifer's face melt. No, not melt. It wasn't like his face melted, not even like chalk being wiped off a blackboard. It was more like Lucifer was staring down at her desperately, begging her to keep her eyes open, and the next...

 

The fear started in her chest, and came out of her mouth as, "Your face."

 

Lucifer had been babbling, something about _saving you, I did it before, I'll do it again, I'll just- I held you down to the earthly plane, keep in mind you were a lot easier to find then- why- why can't I find your soul, it was there before, detective-_ and he stopped. His eyes, once defined by the dark irises, looked peeled, as if fire had burnt the flesh of it and scarred over. His entire face - no, his entire body - had gone red.

 

"You can see me?" he asked, baffled and horrified.

 

Despite her strength seeping away, she swatted at his hands, pushing him back. She couldn't help herself, repeating in horror, "Your face, Lucifer, your face."

 

He was nearly hyperventilating in his panic. Around his shape, she could see the air shimmer - him trying to draw the glamour tighter around him. But the curtain had already been dropped, and she knew, and she couldn't unsee it.

 

She'd gone knocking on Death's doorstep and found the devil.

 

Her hand, shaking, reached up to cup his cheek, touching skin to bare muscle.

 

"Don't," his voice is hoarse, "Please."

 

Finally, uselessly, he placed his hand (the skin flayed off, exposed veins pulsing blood) over her eyes.

 

"I know I asked you to before, but now I beg you. Don't see me. Don't believe me. Chloe, don't."

 

And then she was standing over him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. He twisted around, and she saw him for all his pain, all his trauma. The devil held her body, and at the sight of her soul so far away from it, he curled over her corpse and screamed.

 

Chloe stepped towards him then, wrapping her arms around him, wincing with every bit of his true skin she touched. Every part of him was an open wound, and to be honest, she was just another.

 

She spoke to him. She knew she was apologizing, but the actual words washed over her, drowned out by Lucifer's inconsolable mourning. She couldn't comfort him, her partner in crime-fighting... no. Her best friend. (... no.)

 

He'd lost the most important person to him, and that was her. She'd gone and _died on him._

 

She didn't care that he was bleeding on her - as long as he didn't mind she was bleeding on him. She buried her head in his shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut, blocking the tears that came all too fast.

 

She didn't know how long they stayed there, cradling each other, but a hand touched her back, prompting her to look up.

 

Amenadiel, all angel glory, held his hand out to her. Wordlessly, she reached up to take it - when Lucifer's hand clamped down on her wrist.

 

Chloe's head whirled around in surprise, and she was ready to snap at him, but Lucifer's eyes were livid and intense and _desperate_. He looked right at her, but his biting words weren't for her.

 

"One hundred billion souls, and seven billion alive now. You and Him can have your pick of the lot - that's fine. But not her."

 

"Lucifer-" his brother started, but the devil pulled her back.

 

He snarled, "She has a daughter!" and Chloe covered her mouth. _She couldn't leave her baby behind._ And God knew he couldn't take Trixie - otherwise he'd have the legions of hell on his doorstep.

 

Literally didn't even begin to cover how serious she was about that threat.

 

Amenadiel bowed his head, pity and... She knew she'd lost her pulse, but her chest still finds a way to make her heart drop at the sight of his sadness. As much as either of them could've denied, they were friends, and this was a loss. She was going to have to go away... go away where?

 

"This is all," the angel began, blatantly summoning the courage to ignore Lucifer, "very confusing, I know. But this is for the better. There is a place for you, Saint."

 

She set her hands on the ground and pushed herself to her feet. Lucifer didn't stop her, which was lucky, because she wouldn't have let him. She needed to stretch her legs, pace out... all of this.

 

Funny.

 

This morning she would've frowned at Amenadiel, taken him for falling for the same conspiracy Lucifer played into, but the word settled around her like a big blanket at the end of a cold day, and it just... Understanding went so far beyond the human mind, she realized as she let the word sink in. It would've explained everything, but-

 

"Saint?" she asked nonetheless, and Amenadiel offered a smile.

 

"Not that the humans use it correctly anymore, but yes. That is what you are."

 

"For... for what, I haven't done anything, I'm just a cop-"

 

Amenadiel took in a breath, and his eyes shone. Not with tears, but unadulteration. This is what he'd been made to do, long before there had been any reason for the angels to learn how to wield swords - to teach, to guide.

 

"Saints are those close to God. Close to divinity. To..." he bit his tongue, rolling the word he was about to use around before continuing, "To _befriend_ the devil, to be the first to show him humanity and all its good. That is what you've offered and He has decided to reward you for it."

 

Chloe vividly remembered a class on Mark Twain, and barked out a hysterical laugh. She was dead, and now she was a saint? Of course she was, why not? Her life was crazy enough, this was just another helping to the plate. Her mad cackles made her whole self shake, sending pains and thrills and chills up and down her spine. Finally, Chloe propped her hand on the small of her back, the same way she had when carrying Beatrice, and gave a long sigh of amusement.

 

"This is insane," she let Amenadiel know.

 

"Perhaps. But it's real. When the next gospel is written, you will be titled a warrior queen, tamer of demons and absolver of sins. There are gifts for you to receive, from the Lord himself, once you ascend."

 

"There's nothing for her to _receive_ because she's not going anywhere."

 

She'd practically forgotten about Lucifer. He'd moved back to her body, not holding it again but crouched over it.

 

Jesus, she was thinking about her own body as _it_.

 

She couldn't watch. Chloe turned her head away, swallowing back the lump in her throat. Lucifer was right. She couldn't leave. She had... she had Trixie, she had her job, and maybe what mattered to her was barely even a blip in the great cosmic plan but... The tears were heating up her eyes again, and she raised a hand to brush them away.

 

Amenadiel's pity didn't waver. He simply told her, "Decker. It's time."

 

She turned away, and her eyes landed on her body. A pool of blood had formed around her, but it had stopped growing. Time, like it had everything else, had stopped it from spreading. Life wasn't fair, so why should death be any different?

 

The thought sent another chill down her spine. She reached back to rub her back again as Lucifer spoke, so angry that his voice was rushed, "You can't do this. Amenadiel, if... if anyone should, let me take her-"

 

"To the gates?" his brother cut him off with a cruel touch to his voice, "And how are you going to do that without wings to get there? You _can't_ , Lucifer, and that was your choice. Now you have to live with it-"

 

"I'll carry him."

 

She didn't know why she'd said it, until she did. The brothers both turned, and blanched at the sight of her. As she'd reached back to rub her back, she found feathers in lieu of skin. Two white wings had settled on her back, growing without anyone even realizing. She touched the base of them with a little awe, head turned to watch them twitch as she massaged the muscle - her muscle. She finally looked at them - at Amenadiel, who must've known but still managed to look dazed at the sight, and at Lucifer, who swallowed hard.

 

Chloe inhaled, and stepped forward. She nodded her head towards Lucifer, "I'll carry you. I-I don't know where I'm going, but if you point, I'll drive. Deal?"

 

Lucifer worked against the lump in his throat and tried for a smile, "Same old, detective."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Thank God _(ha)_ she didn't need to test out her new appendages. It wasn't that she had to practice so much. It was more like, one moment she had no idea what to do with them, and the next moment she _did_. She held Lucifer in a hug as they flew higher and higher. It wasn't until L.A. was only a speckle of lights below them that Chloe's stomach lurched, and buried her face in the crook of Lucifer's neck.

 

"Have I mentioned I'm afraid of heights?" she wheezed, and she could hear his laugh start in his lungs, felt his chest shake. He tightened his hold on her, and he dropped his shoulder. The change of weight had them tipping to the side. It really was like he was the one flying. Only, she could feel his scars, the texture wrinkled in comparison to the morbid feeling of his open sores.

 

The question _who did this to you?_ bubbled up in her throat, but she already knew the answer. Everyone. His father, his siblings, the humans. Hell, she'd probably contributed to it with her ruthlessness. This whole time, and she thought he was just crazy. She treated him like he was crazy, and now he... He wasn't even _angry_ with her. He just wanted to stay with her a little longer, because she was going... somewhere.

 

That ought to have been the end of it, but it wasn't. She still had questions. Amenadiel had called her a saint, but surely those weren't the same as angels. What was she? What was she going to do? More importantly, what was going to happen to her daughter? Dan? Maze?

 

What would become of Lucifer without her?

 

Their feet touched something solid, and she looked up to find Lucifer's expression. He stared back at her, giving her all the answers but in all the wrong languages. She hardly recognized him like this, scarred and burning, and yet she felt like this is how she'd always seen him.

 

It really wasn't just a river in Egypt.

 

"Behold," Amenadiel spoke, and she finally tore away from the eye contact. Her heart dropped and soared and remained the same, because she beheld the gates to Heaven and they were beautiful than most she'd ever seen. But she was able to look away, watching curiously at the sky, because clouds were rolling in fast to encroach on the flawless blue above. Amenadiel bristled, his feathers flicking irritably. He frowned over at Lucifer, who shrugged.

 

"Prophecy's always said I'd bring a storm to tear down those gates," he explained. "Legions of hell knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door."

 

"Would you?" she asked before she could help herself. His eyes shifted into something more intense the longer he stared at her, and that was answer enough. Her face didn't go red, but her wings betrayed her, fluttering this way and that.

 

Amenadiel interrupted with a question that was much more important, "Are you?"

 

Lucifer's gaze went cold as it flickered over to his brother. She felt like she was intruding just glancing between the two of them, and she glanced down. She saw Lucifer's hand close, but not all the way. He was using some sort of muscle memory, as if he were testing his grip around the handle of a sword. All angels knew the taste of war, something new and ancient in her reminded her. The thought made her blood go warm.

 

But Lucifer hadn't answered, and Chloe looked right at him again, "You can't."

 

"Can't I?" he croaked out, and her heart dropped. Despite the look on her face, he went on, "Hasn't that been my destiny this whole time? To take my place at the head of Hell's army, to rise against my father once more, and fail properly this time? To be cast out of Heaven, and to be cast out of Hell, out into the great unknown nothingness from which Father came?"

 

"If you don't want it to happen, then don't let it." Chloe said, "Lucifer, you don't deserve to die."

 

"And you _do?!_ " he snapped, fire blazing in his eyes. His rage shook out of him, rising higher by the second, "Don't be an _idiot_ , detective. He made this happen, because He knows I can't let you go. I can't, I can't, Chloe. I'll tear it all down just get you back and He knows it. He's taking you away and covering it all up with humanity's _free fucking will_ , pouring honey over it because _don't worry_ , Chloe Decker, you will be renowned as a saint, when all he's doing is using you as a pawn to set me up for failure!"

 

 _"YOU THINK I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU?!"_ she screamed back, drawing out a thunder-like voice that belonged to the inhuman part of her.

 

He inhaled sharply and stepped away, his tongue (not forked, but ripped apart) sliding over his bottom lip. Lucifer opened his mouth to reply, then simply gave up words in lieu of a scoff and a shake of his head. He tried to take another step back, but he wasn’t able to leave her side. 

 

"I don't know what you want."

 

Chloe swayed, and closed her eyes to combat the nausea. Of course he didn't. Because she kept playing cat and mouse with him - before the divorce, it made sense to keep away from his temptation, but after it was simply cruelty on her part. Her inability to be decisive dragged Lucifer into a never-ending cycle of hope and hopelessness. She had him play domestic with her and Trixie, made him tame. But he... he was the devil, and if she cared at all, she'd know better. That he would always be this, licking at wounds that would never heal... following her to the very end.

 

"I want..." she trailed off, losing her voice.

 

What did she want? Too much. 

 

She had to find a better answer.

 

Chloe opened her eyes.

 

"I need to let go."

 

The ground rolled underneath her, breaking apart in an uneven crack. Lucifer held out his hands to keep himself balanced, glancing around unevenly. She turned around, looking for Amenadiel's disapproval, but the angel wasn't watching her. He pulled his hand back, and when he brought it forward again, a gleaming sword was in his hand. The gates over them creaked violently, and behind them she could see the light growing stronger and stronger.

 

"I'll hold them back," Amenadiel said, "But you need to hurry."

 

Chloe beamed then, and reached out for him. Her hand touched his wing, and she stroked the dark feathers appreciatively. He looked back then, looking hesitant and terrified. But he tried for a smile anyway, "I never considered. Lucifer's right though, and you don't deserve to be used like this. No matter what, you will always be a saint."

 

"Thank you," It came out as a whisper, but with each word she gave him confidence, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

 

"Detective?" Lucifer asked. His voice was soft, unbearably lost. When she turned back to him, his brow was furrowed in confusion. Unlike his brother, he hadn't caught on. The ground shook again, the crack beginning to break apart. She reached for him as he reached for her, clinging to each other despite the distance pulling them apart.

 

"Look," she said. She tried for something to explain herself better, but finally she shrugged helplessly, "I'm just following your example."

 

Realization formed on Lucifer's face, his eyes widening as he exhaled.

 

**_"Chloe-"_ **

 

A metallic shriek sounded behind them, and the Heavenly Host's chorus roared louder in her ears. She wrapped her arms and wings around Lucifer, and pushed them both into the crevice, falling, falling.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It could have been a dream. If she really wanted to, she could've pushed her brain back to the headspace from before, make proper sense of it all. But the knowledge had settled into her bones - her all too human bones, mind. The fact that she was aware of how brittle her own body was... it was enough to scare off any attempt at logic. She knew something beyond logic, and it transcended most laws of physics (that humans knew for now).

 

Yet, life went on. As the rest of the team filed into the warehouse, she gave her testimony, explained _it’s not my blood, it’s Calvez’s, yes I fired my gun, our civilian consultant was in danger, his statement will confirm_. The detective regarded her normally, aside from the glance he spared at the suit jacket she kept wrapped firmly around her until she could be at Lucifer’s side again. When they were finally cleared, they walked up to each other and stared for a moment. She expected the quips to come off him immediately, but aside from an offer to drive her home in her car, Lucifer remained uncharacteristically quiet, keeping the radio down as she dozed on and off the whole way back.

 

Trixie was asleep when they got in, but it didn’t stop Chloe from stepping into the room and sitting by her side. Lucifer had avoided situations like it before, and yet he hovered at the door as the little girl shifted in her sleep. Blearily, she blinked up at her mother, and a slow smile grew on her face.

 

“Hi Mom,” she said sleepily, and Chloe burst into tears, pulling her close. It took Lucifer sitting down beside them, setting his hand on her back, and calmly explaining to Trixie that they had a long day before she could finally pull herself together and reassure her daughter.

 

“Baby, I’m just so happy you’re okay. Go back to sleep, alright? I’ll be here in the morning.”

 

She didn’t protest when Lucifer corrected, “We’ll be here in the morning.”

 

Trixie didn’t know what had happened to them. It was possible she’d never know. She was content with the answers given and snuggled back into her pillow. Sleep had taken her again before the adults even left the room. Still, Chloe took her time shutting the door behind her. When she finally turned away, looking out into the living room, Lucifer was waiting. 

 

His shirt was ruined, stained with her blood. A button was undone, and not in the carefully styled way he left the top few - it was one right in the middle, leaving him properly askew in a way he hadn’t planned. She stepped forward, and before she could help, began to rearrange him. She fixed his shirt, brushed her fingers through his hair, that was surprisingly enough beginning to curl. His eyes, steady brown, watched her, growing darker as his gaze became a heavy weight on her. It would’ve been enough to deter her, had she not been feeling numb.

 

She’d forgotten the reason entirely why he’d given her his jacket until she shrugged it off. Her wings stretched once of their confinement, scraped and aching and-

 

Lucifer’s hand was hovering in the air, halfway to them. Before she could help herself, she was peeling the glamour back, stealing an unwarranted peek at the red underneath the human form. She glanced up to his face, his eyes still burning, until he gently covered himself again with the disguise. He still didn't want her to see his punishment for disobedience, ashamed of who he was. But now she could see him - show him that it didn't matter to her. She saw him, the good, the bad, the _humanity_ , and still... 

 

Chloe remembered the scars on his back, and took his hand to let him touch the feathers' edges. When they first appeared, they were white and pink and brown and long and perfect and- Now they were black with soot, torn and molting.

 

He inhaled, his eyes darting around the room uneasily.

 

"You didn't have to," he started. He inclined his head and continued on, "Fall, I mean. If you'd asked... I would’ve tried to-"

 

She shook her head, cutting him off. He couldn’t finish the sentence, and she didn’t want to think about it. 

 

"I couldn't," she whispered, "I couldn't ask that of you. Not when I never would've done it myself. I-"

 

The detective (because even after all this, she would still have her life to go back to, and there was plenty of paperwork to complete after the case) sighed through her nose, turning around to look to Trixie's closed bedroom door.

 

"Of course I fell," she finally said, simply leaving at that. She turned back, and looked at him. Her mouth bobbed for a moment. She needed to say more, she knew that, but her tongue defied her.

 

"You are magnificent, Lucifer," Chloe told him in hushed awe.

 

He blinked hard as he took her hands in his, and bowed his head over to kiss her knuckles.


End file.
